hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
Randomize
