Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
Opted for cash back rather than the 10% extra I'd get for store credit, solely for drinks tonight.
You're lovely.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
There's no discreet way to sneak a cucumber into the shower lol
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Randomize
