When I was her age, Pluto was still a planet... but i said what the hell
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
The lid of our salsa is promoting a contest that ended in July '09
I've been alternating between telling people I was mauled by a bear or hit by a car to explain the massive unexplainable bruise on my leg. Slightly more worried now that the car idea is believable.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
We lost a condom inside me, I had to fish it out. The next day he gave me a Gone Fishin' bumper sticker. True love at its finest.
As we were about to go at it, his roommates barged in singing jumper by third eye blind. Weirdest almost one night stand ever.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
He passed out in my car.
What's the problem?
HE'S STILL IN MY FUCKING CAR.
Randomize
