I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I don't think you'd be able to understand Inception if you weren't high...
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is it bad that I'm tracking my period with Instagram pictures?
I was dancing with a blow torch in one hand and a bowl of weed in the other
Am I not being subtle enough by giving him a rainbow striped bong, during PRIDE MONTH?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
Glitter fights sound a lot funner in theory.
Idk I think he's weird but he's also from Wisconsin so that might have something to do with it.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
