Bullshit. I know you're watching The Dog Whisperer
That Cesar Milan is captivating
Whatcha textin bout Willis?
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I just picked up my chili cheese fries off the ground ate them, and then licked up the cheese that was still on the concrete. Thank you Jagerbombs
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
A giant panda just asked me for a cigarette and said "man pandas gotta smoke too." There is something wrong with this place.
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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