watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stop making Mac and cheese and sit on his face. FINISH HIM
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
I'm a stupid stupid woman who is totally going to rock this holiday season dick drunk on that Ginger
On the way home she told me she was in kindergarten when 9/11 happened
You’re sleeping on my couch so you’re not making dick appointments tonight
It's dangerous to be this horny at work. I'm gonna stain my desk chair
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