The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
i refuse to be around anyone not wearing a sombrero...its cinco de mayo
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
true... I just kept thinking "THAT IS A PENIS. OMG THAT IS A PENIS. DOES HE KNOW IM STARRING? STOP LOOKING. OMG THIS IS AWKWARD. PENISSSSS"
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
You know it's time to call it a night when every guy in the bar (all 3 of them) have seen you naked at one time or another.
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
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