I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
hahhahahha. mid doggie-style, i faked an asthma attack. the sex was that bad
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
How unacceptable would it be to bar hop with a funnel in the square? It's Halloweekend and I plan on going hard. I can claim it goes w/ my costume. But I don't think the MIMITW uses funnels.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
Randomize
