I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
He came for an unexpected visit and let's just say I shattered his illusion that girls don't watch porn
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
My toothbrush tastes like captain morgan
I'm jealous
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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