tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I see an opportunity for you to use your nakedness to cure my boredom.
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
In America we eat man semen.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
The heaters out again. Makin a fire in thebroke toilet for warmth.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
fuck Derek. I choose weed. weed isn't angry and would never ask me to be someone I'm not.
See, this is why you don't do nice things for people. You'll get stuck in the snow and you won't catch a dick.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
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