I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
just took my temp. 103. i wonder how tylenol and jager bombs are gonna mix
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
The only thing I really remember is repeating "I hope I still have a job on Monday". Oh and pulling my boob out of my dress.
So I take it the company Christmas dinner went well then...
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Woke up next to my bed in a pile of skittles, sleeping on a pair of sweatpants. I can't believe the girl didn't stick around..
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Drunk Jeff aka Dreff thinks he's about 3x cooler than be really is and about 100x better at dancing than he really is
well if they don't get here soon...no fuck it, I'm going to the strip club.
Day 10 and still no sign of rescue in my pants.
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
Randomize
