i would punch a child for taco bell
We're watching an ocean show on Discovery Channel and drinking every time they say "dolphins." PS. Seals kill birds. Tell all your friends.
some girl that im facebook friends with has H1N1, im scared to even go to her facebook page
that would combine my 3 fave things. christmas funfetti and paul simon
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
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