wait, did i just see you litter out your window??
umm, i have a hybrid. it cancels out.
bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
Drunk in burger king. Having it our way. Free fries. M&m sundaes.
She just tricked me into telling her the balance of my 401k... She's like a gold digging jedi mind trick ninja
Well I never thought in the future I'd be able to say "hey remember that Easter I made porn?"
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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