He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
oral is when you put your mouth on someones privates and play moterboat or popsicle
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I'm going to sleep with this bank teller and I'm going to enjoy it, just try and stop me
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
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