She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
nana can keg stand better than me. should i be proud?
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
I need to just embrace dildos and cats and call it a life.
he BROKE his KNEE while we were getting it on, called 911 and the ambulance that showed up contained two paramedics, ONE WAS HIS FUCKING SISTER!!! HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?!?!
Poor life choices...?
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
You were so drunk, you kept telling everyone you had a platinum vagina.
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