They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
In what world does 'I'm awake' at 2:30 in the morning on a wednesday translate to 'let's fuck' in the span of one text? Where has the romance gone?
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
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