Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
I remember spending $50 at Ozzie's on Friday...my Visa remembers $120.
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Sloppy and selfish. Your 27 and you don't know where my clit is? BYEEE
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Oh god it's open bar.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
