she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
Yeah we can't find him. He left a note saying he left and isn't that drunk with what appears to be an attempt at the quadratic formula for proof. He also wrote down his number and left his phone by the note
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I'm with the hottest fuckin fire fighter right now. I'm ready to fake my own death.
We left his house because I forgot how to drink water, I was just holding it in my mouth and then spitting it out, needless to say I don't remember the sex.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
This drive is very scenic
And I'm chugging whiskey in the back
As you should, soak in all this country has to offer
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
Need advice bro. Which one should I take: the blonde devil crying in the corner or the brunette crawling on the floor acting like a dinosaur??
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
