Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
Apparently I whispered "Jesus was here" and bailed out of the moving taxi.
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His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Dude I really need to stop drinking. I chugged a whole bottle of ketchup last night.
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
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His dad was on the tv delivering the local 11 o' clock news while we were having sex
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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