i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
I asked for my Beats earbuds back and he sent me a pic of them tied around his penis. Now I miss both my great ear buds and his great dick
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
what the hell is that chicken wire thing she's holding?
An artistic expression of her stupidity.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Just don't let me do two things: Beer bongs filled with vodka or shot competitions
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
