i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
I think this baby is eyeing my beer
You've eaten a Lean Pocket for every meal for at LEAST 3 days now. Get your life in line.
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I kinda volunteered your dick to help her deal with her virginity issues. Figured you wouldn't mind.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So, just saw a lady hysterically sobbing in a Walmart at 3 AM. Someone's not having a happy mother's day.
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
She was yelling at the tater tots, "In five minutes, you're going in my mouth!"
Please note that in response to your post about your dog's jaws clamped hard around a stick, I did not comment, "Takes after his dad." You're welcome.
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap