Texts From Last Night

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  (413): View more from Massachusetts

  All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.

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  (413): All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing. http://tfl.nu/1chf
  Replies (13) Good night (4053) Bad night (1301)
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  (651): View more from Minnesota

  You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..

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  (651): You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold.. http://tfl.nu/rd4a
  Replies (18) Good night (5890) Bad night (724)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009

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  (541): I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009 http://tfl.nu/ne91
  Replies (5) Good night (3944) Bad night (728)
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  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night

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  (715): woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night http://tfl.nu/5q0r
  Replies (10) Good night (8547) Bad night (1179)
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  (718): View more from New York

  at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.

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  (718): at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue. http://tfl.nu/efry
  Replies (15) Good night (6461) Bad night (1157)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.

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  (321): Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right. http://tfl.nu/ehig
  Replies (12) Good night (10043) Bad night (1220)
• Favorite

  (678): View more from Georgia

  You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"

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  (678): You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs" http://tfl.nu/8pn3
  Replies (14) Good night (6690) Bad night (1541)
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  (320): View more from Minnesota

  Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.

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  (320): Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year. http://tfl.nu/8zt2
  Replies (10) Good night (1229) Bad night (4167)
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  (613): View more from Ontario

  New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.

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  (613): New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would. http://tfl.nu/oc0p
  Replies (3) Good night (1921) Bad night (789)
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  (586): View more from Michigan

  on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"

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  (586): on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish" http://tfl.nu/8ky3
  Replies (10) Good night (3104) Bad night (1339)
• Favorite

  (860): View more from Connecticut

  You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie.

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  (860): You told her to step on the scale because you had whiskey goggles, and scales don't lie. http://tfl.nu/zzfj
  Replies (17) Good night (3542) Bad night (1163)
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  (727): View more from Florida

  She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.

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  (727): She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it. http://tfl.nu/8d3q
  Replies (6) Good night (1322) Bad night (542)
• Favorite

  (515): View more from Iowa

  I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"

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  (515): I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone" http://tfl.nu/9mhp
  Replies (5) Good night (949) Bad night (445)
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  (216): View more from Ohio

  Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening

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  (216): Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening http://tfl.nu/drvy
  Replies (4) Good night (589) Bad night (332)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad

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  (615): Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad http://tfl.nu/n2ij
  Replies (3) Good night (176) Bad night (557)

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