Texts From Last Night

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  (530): View more from California

  you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts.

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  (530): you started whispering 'the itsy bitsy spider' while you were putting your hands up my shorts. http://tfl.nu/kee8
  Replies (27) Good night (5128) Bad night (2461)
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  (314): View more from Missouri

  I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.

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  (314): I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today. http://tfl.nu/ix6a
  Replies (44) Good night (7094) Bad night (1340)
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  (563): View more from Iowa

  he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes

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  (563): he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes http://tfl.nu/4qyv
  Replies (22) Good night (1418) Bad night (5044)
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  (330): View more from Ohio

  Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.

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  (330): Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry. http://tfl.nu/4osi
  Replies (9) Good night (4722) Bad night (1101)
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  (617): View more from Massachusetts

  i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line.

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  (617): i had to write a bad check to buy franzia last weekend. i have my priorities in line. http://tfl.nu/bi31
  Replies (6) Good night (1074) Bad night (2739)
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  (732): View more from New Jersey

  Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million.

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  (732): Imagine the time you most wanted to kill yourself. Now add a room full of jail bait and no booze. Multiply that by a million. http://tfl.nu/4jbr
  Replies (25) Good night (1066) Bad night (4188)
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  (615): View more from Tennessee

  Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.

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  (615): Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3. http://tfl.nu/3wgo
  Replies (4) Good night (2144) Bad night (981)
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  (906): View more from Michigan

  You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!"

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  (906): You were screaming across the bar "BUYING US SHOTS ISN'T GOING TO MAKE US STRAIGHT, YA KNOW!!!!!!!!" http://tfl.nu/38or
  Replies (10) Good night (2617) Bad night (661)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.

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  (920): She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future. http://tfl.nu/bxh5
  Replies (7) Good night (1527) Bad night (877)
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  (712): View more from Iowa

  I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it"

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  (712): I just blurted out "it's pretty tight isn't it" http://tfl.nu/ijmk
  Replies (19) Good night (2667) Bad night (666)
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  (+61): View more from Australia

  Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.

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  (+61): Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night. http://tfl.nu/mvw7
  Replies (7) Good night (2677) Bad night (482)
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  (850): View more from Florida

  I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.

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  (850): I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry. http://tfl.nu/53sz
  Replies (11) Good night (1628) Bad night (565)
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  (267): View more from Pennsylvania

  I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls

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  (267): I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls http://tfl.nu/tagh
  Replies (1) Good night (808) Bad night (522)
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  (315): View more from New York

  This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand

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  (315): This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand http://tfl.nu/jj5a
  Replies (3) Good night (935) Bad night (510)
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  (804): View more from Virginia

  That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want

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  (804): That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want http://tfl.nu/mjof
  Replies (3) Good night (535) Bad night (159)

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