Btw I've read that book you bought me...And I'm such a bitch now
But I don't think guys love me
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
why the fuck does my google maps say i'm in punjab?!?!? u think it has to do with like...outsourcing?
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
Nothing makes my dick softer than hot girls in rain boots.
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
It's like the bermuda triangle of cat puke
I thought it was a drawer and tried to pull it out and it wasnt a drawer it was the police call button. I hate everything.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Randomize
