just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
She guessed my name 9 times, and 5 of those times she guessed Mike. Figured that'd be an easy target for the night.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
FYI I just found your friend. Asleep. In. My. Kayak. In. Pool.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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