If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
if i bang your brother are we still cool?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
Became friends with a girl at work today until I realized we have the same taste in men. And I thought only I liked red-bearded fat men
Is it bad that I like to have a guy to flirt with in every class? I feel like it's excellent motivation: to shave, to shower and to show up.
Randomize
