She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
There was an Altoids can full of urine in the bathroom. I do not want to know what was going on in there.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
I just watched someone put a diaper on a cat..I'm to high for this.
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
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