did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
Are you missing anything? I found a wedding ring in my bed this morning.....
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Well I woke up with a note on me reading Dear Passed Out Girl, and ending with why I shouldn't drink so much. Damn Tequilla.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
You seriously knocked all the beer off the table, broke the beer pong table, broke the bar and kept yelling "you have to warn me first!" all because I wouldn't let you have another four loco
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
dude, you ran into a window then asked ME what the fuck I was doing.