You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
25 Shocking High School Scandals You Won’t Believe Are True
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
At the gym and this really hot trainer checked me out and was talking to his buddy about his workout. He then says "yeah man, like I'm doing so many reps- what's 7 times 7, 45?"
He was THIS close.
On a scale of one to liver failure, how bad would it be if I played thunderstruck alone?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
I love you with the passion of a thousand FUCKBOYS during the height of week 1 texting