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I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
You know you hit rock bottom when you make out with a guy named after a cereal.
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Okay. We're coming naked. We need Saran wrap and plastic forks.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
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