I walked up to her and said hello and wanted to ask her if she had fun last night... she asked me if we had met before.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
My roommate has every episode of Full House. I'm going to fail my midterm tomorrow.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
When you text me tomorrow to remind me to mail your parking pass, also remind me to make sure i did NOT pack my vibrator for this family vacation
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
They have a genuine stripper pole secured to the floor of their living room. I am thoroughly take advantage of it. I've made $5 so far. Why don't more places have poles??!
Just saw the trailer for Spike Lee's version of Oldboy. They filmed a lot of it in A's building so like every scene features a place where I had or almost had sex. If oral counts then pretty much every scene.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.