I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
23 Bisexuals Confess The Biggest Differences Between Dating People Of Each Sex
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Look, as a friend I'm asking to see a picture of his tiny dick
These 25 Ruthless Teachers Embarrassed Their Students
Bring condoms and burritos. The rest will fall into place
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
he woke up this morning, drunk as fuck, butt ass naked, and he had left grandmas gun on the counter and doesn't know why.