I woke up 25 minutes ago and have been high for 20. Impressive?
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
I told you penises don't tan
23 Adults Confess The Irrational Fears They Had When They Were Kids
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
My knee is bleeding. This cheeseburger is the 3rd thing I made out with today and I think I got a job with the ducks. Catalina is poppin
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
These 25 Women First Experienced Sexual Harassment At A Shocking Age
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
I need to stop getting high and watching documentaries. Wanna go to Japan with me and protest the mass genocide of dolphins?
I'm almost too old to be on The Real World but feel like I'm too young to be on The Bachelor and I'm just really confused with my place in life.
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
He was like the most intimidating looking guy you've seen in your life except he was really shittily doing the two step