Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
good news. it is gonna rain tomorrow so now I don't have to pay to clean the puke off the side of your car.
I just fell down the stairs in the library and further deviated my septum. That's why I don't study.
He filled our room with little plastic cups of beer so the only way I could get out was by drinking them all.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
Found your glasses drenched in ketchup on my driveway this morning
I really hope you are not drunk feeding a raccoon.
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
Don't come. It's not even a party it's a total sausage fest. Like 20 drunk dudes in a bedroom. We can still drink by ourselves though it'll be ok
Ate his Chinese food and drank his beer and played with his chihuahua. All while wrapped in a towel while he was sleep.
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
Randomize
