Well now I have my semen on her headphones
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
well, the two that sent pics I've already been with, so at least its not just BAM HERE'S MY PENIS IN YOUR INBOX ENJOY THOSE MEGAPIXELS
i think he spiked my sandwich with a viagra
Life Epiphany- I need to have children so I can be the drunk grandma at family functions. Its my destiny.
I was walking out the front door and heard his roomate say "It looks like you need a chiropractor." I think my work here is done.
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
Yeeah, I think a threesome is one of those wedding presents you can't register for at Bed Bath And Beyond..
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
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