D3 body, D1 cock
Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
i have i love cock written on my hand and a vagina drawn on my arm and i just finished eating breakfast with the whole fam for mothers day
ahah at least you got away with it
nope...my gran was the one who informed me
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
I drowning out her crying with songs from the Beatles it's good for us both. She relives her 30s and i dont have to hear her cry
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
i now regret my decision on turning down your offer of sex in the backseat
Randomize
