I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
How was the party last night?
I'm dangerously close to shitting myself.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
we superglued breast forms to his chest. those aren't coming off anytime soon.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
High-fiving last weekend's hook up in passing on the way to class has given me quite the lady boner.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Honestly his girlfriend says she hates me cause she thinks im trying to get him to cheat on her with me...she should hate me cause i already accomplished that.
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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