i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
found out the liquor store price matches. thus begins senior year of college
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
there was so much lube in my brother's closet...
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
Still pimpin that dick in the cornfields. Now it's just transferred to the local bar.
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
wanna see your best friend chug a bottle of steak sauce?
please go to sleep
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
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