who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
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