On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
I've been awake for 20+ hrs. What does that mean? I just realized if BSB were Twilight characters, Brian would be Jake and Howie would be Edward based on the video for "Everybody". That's unsettling.
It's unsettling that you took the time to think about that.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
Whats proper etiquette for apologizing to your wife for being so drunk you stood up and pissed on the bedroom floor next to the bed?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
if you want to know how my night is going I just ugly cried in the cheesecake factory
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
