my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
I'm sitting on the patient chair, waiting for my vagina to be violated & "i don't want to miss a thing" has been playing on repeat. WHY IS THIS HAPPENING TO ME.
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
In the name of friendship, I’m going to kick your children into the ocean.
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
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