the thought of Anne Coulter teabagging Dick Cheney kills me everytime.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
You screamed 'no, YOU put some pants on' at a cop. I pretended not to know you.
2012 needs to end already. I've exceeded my quota for People Who Have Accidentally Seen My Tits.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
