Is there a tactful way for me to ask a girl to let me know when she gets her period?
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
Ugh did we play golf last night and did you by chance hit my head with a club or a ball?
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
PA to anyone at the party last night and wondering where your pants are: they are in my backyard.
I wonder if you're allowed to smoke pot at Denver bronco games now...
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
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