It's like God shit irony all over that family
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No driving. The car is spinning. I am praying for mcdonalds.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
Well I think I made it pretty obvious I wasn't in to it. I was drinking a beer while he was going down in me
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
You lost to your mom AND grandma in beer pong last night. pretty sure that constitutes a retirement from the sport
I am texting my ex and my future boyfriend while eating fish and chips with my current boyfriend... How and when did I become such a terrible person???
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