Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
im not letting a little injury get in the way of my alcoholic/drug problems. we ARE getting turnt tonight.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
WHY ARE THE COPS ALWAYS AT DENNYS WHEN IMDRUNK!?
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
Thanks for fucking the skin off my dick
It was a joint effort between my vagina my feet and your hand you can't just blame that all on me
Randomize