After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
I just turned down an invite to sit on a face. IDK who I am.
What? Are you sick?
Randomize
