Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
I think the neighbors upstairs are trying for more kids. I want to run up there and yell "mazal tov!"
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just watched a UNI fan at the bar lick the tears off of a KU fans face.. See what march madness does to people
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
Your subconscious sucks. Mine is awesome. I have a recurring dream where I manage a chocolate factory run by big titted hookers.
A) you're a liar. B) that would be awesome.
My clothes are covered in blood and I feel like I drank a gallon of elephant cum...it's safe to say I'm hungover
His and hers buttplugs were a resounding success. Tru luv
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
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