There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
If a woman tells you she has been pink socked...don't move forward with her.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
tequilla shots with my grandparents? christmas visiting just got so much better
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Why were my jeans in the freezer of the mini fridge, and how long have they been in there? On another note, I found my teacher's ID badge.
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I'm honestly just saving all my liver's power for when I die this weekend. that's how it works right
Randomize
