He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
Peter invited his little brother to smoke with us and he is trying so hard to pretend he's done it before. When he saw the weed he was like "hell yeah!" and everyone got completely silent and just looked at him
we're almost there. Shes pounding on the car window telling the nurse whos on a smoke break to fuck off.
I don't think you seem to understand this concept. WHEN A GAY GUY HANDS YOU A DAIQUIRI, YOU DRINK IT.
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
crossing my fingers that hitting golf balls off my pourch was a dream and not something that actaculy happened
Dress was in bathroom covered in shards of glass, earrings on living room floor, bracelet still missing, purse in backyard. The cast of Princess Bride all left the bar to make sure I was ok. Perfect night
Currently sitting in the movie theatre bathroom while she gives him a blowjob in the parking lot. Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend.
I was expecting it to be of the "I am your vagina's reckoning" caliber.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
It's Wednesday. And it's about that time to remind everyone that my priorities from last weekend have not changed moving forward into this weekend.
I feel like my cat and I are playing mind games. I need more friends.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
YOU SHOULD HAVE BEEN THE FIRST VISITOR TO CHRISTMASLAND
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
