DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
Geez don't go to a bar for a few days and everyone freaks out.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
I look excited, but its just a facade.
Randomize
