Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
She may be a slut, but at least she's a dedicated slut. She's always super tan and has her shit shaved in really cool designs.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
What's the best way to say, "it's too early in our relationship to leave me at your place alone"? Steal something?
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
just stepped out my front door and let the wind dry my naked body because I was too lazy to go search for a clean towel that may not even exist. I could live like this forever
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