i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
My favorite part of the day is the 2 seconds of ignorance you have when you first wake up. Right before you remember where your mouth was last night.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
I never thought I'd say this but my vagina is taking a serious break for awhile
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Randomize
