There is something about listening to Patsy Cline while pooping that makes the experience so much better.
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
Well, what part of "I've heard she has crabs" didn't you take into consideration?
Does adding vodka to a protein shake defeat the purpose?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
The first clue should've been that he literally had shit in his hair. How does that even happen?
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
And literally 4loko margaritas are callin my name. They're like "Hey girl come on over here I'll make you forget about grades and boys and it'll be a good idea to send everyone 55 snapchats of your cleavage" ok
An old man just slapped my ass and handed me five dollars while I was filling chips at subway. I feel violated, but that was the easiest five dollars I've ever made.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I told you when I started the only reason I was gonna coach your kids soccer team was that I could meet all the hot soccer moms. So why are you so mad I slept with your ex?
I think I'm in the negatives for the quantity of fucks given today.
All he gave me was a sore vagina and film suggestions
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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