She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
you said something about joining a k-pop band before passing out topless on the trampoline.
and eventually we just all took our pants off
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