I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
i think my mom watched the whole time
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
Either seal the deal or get out of the room, I don't want to hide in this closet anymore
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you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
Getting day drunk before work is perfectly acceptable when its 99 cent margaritas.
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
Drinking and decided to streak in the apartment fountain. Canadian goose shit and sharp rocks on the bottom. I sobered up quick. That was a very bad idea.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
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