bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
hypothetically speaking is slutty or smart to buy plan b before we go on spring break so i dont have to get it in mexico
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
The cat is stealing cigarettes and my vagina cures blindness. How's your night?
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
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