I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
The is a pregnant woman in this Chipolte wearing a shirt that simply says ‘OOPS!’ across the tummy.
That baby is bound to be under-loved.
He passed out mid-signature
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
I woke up wearing nothing but his lifeguard whistle..
i can recognize that vagina from a mile away
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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