i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
I just realized that the music from spongebob is also used in real sex HBO.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
Is it worth it to drive to a zoo with a high possibility of sex at said zoo?
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I may or may not have hooked up with the cop who arrested me.. Or I can cross hooking up with a stripper in a cop outfit off my bucket list.
I think pants incapable of making pants work
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
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