You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
apparently the 911 operator took drunk dialing waaayy too seriously
I just had a dream where Bob Saget recognized me from when I hung out with him in a dream I had months ago.
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
you have no chance. her best friend is a human abstinence poster.
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
He turned me into a screamer. Guess I'm really not a lesbian.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Randomize
