Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
It was just pointed out to me in a meeting that there is a lipstick stain on my crotch.
I'm drinking ghetto ass mojitos!
Wow. How can mojitos be ghetto?
Squirt + bacardi limon + limes = ghetto mojitos
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
I've thrown up in front of nearly every customer we've had today.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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