I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I'm torn. Shes everything I ever wanted, but I just cant get past the story about having drunken sex with her dog in high school.
GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
we were both freshly single and using each other as rebounds. most intense sex I've ever had. i felt like a grizzly bear emerging from hibernation in a whirlwind of sexual fury
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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