wooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooooo
ooooooooooooo i'm drink
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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