I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
OK BUT WHO THE FUCK FORGTS A LIVE CHICKEN IN MY HOUSE
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
Randomize
