I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
I just realized his fb pic was taken in a public bathroom.
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
He got kicked out 3 times. I have no idea how he kept getting back in. I saw him walking on the highway the next morning.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
