nut hugger
Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
my mom was in labor with me for 32 hours, it's only fair to start drinking now.
How much is that going to cost?
A lot of beer.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
My liver was like a college freshman on spring break. It would've danced topless on tables if it could have.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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