I'm too scared of my Fleshlight to even use it anyway.
I hate you, and I hope you have babies soon that you love very much. Then I will steal them and feed them to sharks, and you will be so heart broken that you never want to have any more kids and you'll just hide out in a dark room all day wondering how someone could feed another persons babies to sharks.
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
I just convinced a girl to drink my spit cup cuz I said it was dark beer and would get her drunk faster. I dare you to try something better.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
yeah, and when i walked in on them fucking he said "go away, i'm making sons."
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
She thinks I'm afraid I'm gonna get caught in one of my lies and some of the girls I'm fucking will find out about each other. But it would be a relief to offload a few from the old crop and work in a few newbies into the rotation. The organization could use some new blood.
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Just got drunk at the Cheesecake Factory again. Made me think of you.
That's the nicest thing anyone's ever said to me.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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