Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I had a dream that our used condom started talking to me. I told me that I did an amazing job, and told me that it saved me. From aids.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
So vagazzling was a success
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
