Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
this is your 3rd pregnancy scare in 2 years, I think its time for you to re-evaluate the whole 'im a lesbian' thing
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
I got drunk and tried to make special rice krispie treats, but I made a mess and they were all stuck to my hands, so I just decided to eat my way out of the catastrophe and I think shit's about to get even weirder than usual.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Well, let's just say, I got that eye patch like we were joking about
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
Randomize
